Running After Time

Quite scared and confused on how to start this blog thing.  but i do facebook so i guess I'll be okay.  As part of my struggle to run after all things current, this is my latest decided upon project. May be able to help me on many things. update myself with new things, have someone (something) to talk to... establish connection with myself.  I'm pretty sure that at this point, this will look boring but i hope to please myself sooner or later. If ever i please others... well and good.  But i always believed that so you can please others learn how to please yourself.  Scrambled ideas cross through my head right now... how to start, what to write. hmnnn maybe in the next few days. we'll see...

October 20, 2010

Last night when I went home, my neighbors told me that I forgot to turn off my stereo (imagine?).  Sometimes I think, is this job burning me out? Or for a day I didn't suffer from OCD? Haha. Now I'm back to work. Checked deliveries for the Philippine Amusement and Gaming Corporation (PAGCOR).  I think they are going to be pleased with the food that we delivered for them.  Rufo's Famous Tapa and Lumpiang Shanghai Package.  This time we are delivering 350 orders.  Hopefully 750 orders for the same agency next month.

Im working for a Filipino fast food restaurant chain concept that operates and delivers 24/7.  Food is pretty much basic. What makes it fabulous is that the taste is simple and yet it describes the fusion of cultural flavors brought to the Philippines by China, Spain, Japan and the US.  Spice (not spice - hot), sweet, sour and salty, simple presentation.  Modern touch is added to the structure of the outlets for trend related competitive value.  I'm pleased with our image and i hope it stays that way in the next ten years anyway.

Although the company is already 26 years old (to date), it was only until recently that the company decided to professionalize its system and people... oh God the people.  Anyway, I don't the deny that fact that I too had humble beginnings but one thing i don't understand why these people tend to fixate on that small dirt on the wall and not do anything about it?  Or better yet look at another wall?  Is it really that difficult to do?  At times I think maybe I'm expecting too much, or am I?  Yes i know there is crab mentality and all that but shouldn't they think about their welfare as a start then naturally let other things follow?  People reason but at times it does not make sense.  Like for instance negligence and incapability to give results and yet blame it on others?

As part of the development of the company, departments were built, new members are added to the team for the purpose of establishing a system, accountability etc... and yet, efforts are exerted to cover or to hide inefficiencies and deviations by finding a way to blame others rather than being accountable and just find a way or commit to remedy the situation.  That is the very essence of development anyway.  Sometimes I ask myself - Is it upbringing?  If that is the case, these people might belong to one family. hahaha.  Stupid thought.  Or maybe they do belong to one family... I see similarity in the shapes of their noses... weeeeeh hahah. Stupid thought again.

I always look forward to going to work. I love this industry (food and beverage). Its my passion and it is something i know how to do inside out and even when asleep.  In the companies I worked with before, professionalism was well practiced in terms of culture.  The way people talk, the way everyone were, it was not perfect (no company is!), but professionalism was well emphasized that it immediately influenced the so called "undesirables".  Hand shaking, greeting everyone with lots of smiles, acknowledgments, the real essence of teamwork, positivism, sense of responsibility and all that.  In a way I miss that culture but in a way I like it here specially now that things have started to change at least.  It is nice to know (at least to myself) that with my little contributions, wheels are starting to roll in the right direction.  my simple professional pleasures.  I just hope it keeps going.

Although it is given that most certainly not everyone will do according to your liking or its a fallacy to say that one can please everyone but despite of individual differences, members of any organization should be standing on the same level working towards a common goal.  I guess some people don't realize that... oh well... till next time.

late afternoon booze at the hongkong park just behind pacific place queensway (admiralty).  accessible through the mall, escalators up top the park.  very nice and relaxing place.  designed for picture perfection ... who cares?  right in front of me is picture perfect enough :)

October 22, 2010

 I woke up this morning missing Claire.  Actually we are just friends now. I met Claire while i was in Hongkong.  that was in the mid nineties.  Went there from time to time to visit family.  One day I was at Pomeroys Wine Bar  - a typical (i guess) English restobar, quite popular really, a woman entered the glass doors... sun kissed hair, that dress she wore i will never forget... so down to earth, simple, sexy but with no effort. Claire refused to believe that it was a sexy dress because according to her it was one of those travel scruffy dress that all English women (well most) wear or take with them because it was easy to manage specially when they are going places. Wash and wear type.  I believe until now that is what she will think.  How I  wish could lend her my eyes so she'd believe.

February 8, 2011

Hmnnn... pondering about December... i suppose one of the best i ever had. I spent quality time with my brother - bonding bonding and all that.  My wallet... awooooh! my wallet!.  He currently studying in Cebu city taking up bachelor of science in nursing.  I really don't mind spending for my brother because he is usually the kind that if he asks for something and you couldn't give it to him for financial reasons, he'd just say "awww.... okay". He's like that since he was a kid.  As I always did, while he's sleeping, I always whisper in his ear that i love him very much "mahay kuuuu .... mahay na mahay kuuuu".  hearing and seeing him taking a deep breath after i whisper that is simply . . . hmnnn. indescribable.  may may not understandand our relationship but maybe that is how we were brought up by our loving parents.  

This kid even tickles me until now.  In fact, apart from my parents he is the only one who knows my very very weak spot.  I just couldn't move and have a hard time breathing when he does that.  I dearly thank my parents for bringing us up the way they did.  Truly,  it is true that character is really like a gift that is passed on from generation to generation.  Perhaps part of me us as a person is explained by that.

Although I am not oblivious to the fact that people are made in many different ways that's why they are the way way they are, but there is one thing I don't understand ... you see, understand and accept their strengths and weaknesses and yet, they won't even look at yours.  Is that supposed to be human nature?  Most relationships crash like pyramids being hit by meteorites therefore is it usually a fault to establish yourself in a position where it is impossible for you to move away from red flags and dangers?  Is this the justification of the "let it be" expression?

We know for a fact that this causes ill relationships but why do some people choose...

May 2011

Good to be back.  I am in a very strange mood today. maybe it's the scorching heat or knowing the fact that there is pressure with the job an me trying to be cool about it (my usual technique when under pressure which works for me).  But it's nothing I can't handle.  The next time I visit i think i can write more but for now, I'll take it easy.

May 6, Friday

So hot today. Earlier i went out to the road side to light a cigarette.  a girl approached me all sweating and asked for any amount to buy iced water.  I felt really bad as I was burning it away and here's a kid who I thought needed a peso badly.  Gee - I threw away the smoke and gave her a fifty.  It touched me when she said "sir, sobra po" (sir, this is too much or more than what i was asking for or something like that).  Awww.  Appreciated the honesty so i gave her a hundred and i said buy yourself an ice cream.  How I wish everyone is like that.  Not bad for an unbearably hot day eh?

May 7, Saturday

For the past few days, my heart has been in a state of unrest feeling heavy, dark and fighting for light as my mind dictates it to.  We tend to naturally react differently to many different things but when the situation is about all the important aspects of your life, your heart will want to explode that it causes a sickening effect to your stomach that most of the time you can’t control it.  Deciding to maintain your sanity at some point becomes trying to push yourself through a crowd.  But one has to maintain that sanity no matter what or otherwise, one will suffer logical disability which will outright become a wind that will push you off a cliff right there and then.  That feeling you get in your head during those moments is like having your brain being constricted to a point that it feels like it’s shrinking to a very small matter that will eventually fall out of your eyes.  But, I have to push and push … I hope and pray that I get through this… I’ll get through this … we’ll get through this …



May 10, Tuesday

Thank you God for today... thank you

Two weekends ago, I was in mall to buy an air cooler for my pad to battle the leftover heat caused by the summer day.  I could not help but notice that the mall was crowded and most had shopping bags in their hands... small sized, medium sized, large sized and some overflowing.  all food outlets were full.  boxes of appliances going out of the appliances section.  Flat Screen TV, Air Conditioning System, Washing machines and others.  Customers crowding hallway counter set ups selling cellular phones of all sorts, buying stuff here and there.  I stopped for a while (literally) and thought...we complain a lot about being poor or having no money but why is this mall almost full and almost everyone has a bag with them?


May 11, Wednesday

"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." – Anne Frank

Everytime I am at the verge of giving up on people, I always look for this quote from Anne Frank’s diary to give me inspiration and hope that there is something good about every person.  Quite hard to think about it at times, for it directly stabs my principles of sharing my personal ideals for persons to become better individuals.  What really matters is what one can share and give rather than what one can get.  For many years, my contentment has revolved around seeing friends and people I know make it to or through the challenges in their lives and knowing that somehow in some way, I have a humble contribution simply by pointing out possible directions to get to their goals.  Recognition was never important as efforts were purely executed by them.  Sometimes I just look and listen and smile.  They make me proud…silently.

Most of the time strangers can be described as bad, evil and selfish.  People will take advantage of you in many ways.  You can’t really tell them not to do so for maybe it’s in their nature or maybe for them, they look at it or understand their actions differently.  Wrong to you but perfectly right for them.  Realistically, rather than feeling bad about it, I usually let them be and I run for cover and learn from every sort of similar situation.  Assess the relevance of the need and decide whether participate or not…or whatever is best for the person.   


May 16, Monday

Last night I had a dream ... an event that happened years ago that even I was surprised of dreaming about it.  I was with someone in our jeep (owner type) and we were parked in an outskirt street in our town.  I was trying really hard to say how I feel (I could feel the emotions  in my sleep) and I remember feeling the dryness in my throat, the heartbeat as if my heart was going to explode out of my chest and my shirt.  When I finally said how I felt, she asked me questions like "are you sure", "heseeees, I'll think about it", "Okay if I said yes to you ... errrr sure ka ba talaga?" - sooo cute.  I wanted to say I love you a hundred times that moment.  Then my proposal was accepted... Then there was silence ... perhaps those awkward moments caused by being conscious, trying to impress . . . the essence of youthful love maybe.  



This woman is smart, intelligent, sharp, sensitive.  I love her eyes and I love that certain look in her face when she looks at me as if trying to say something.  I love the way she walks, her hair, shoulders... everything about her.  I really like it when she talks intelligently.  With her, as I remember, I can be myself.  Always had a good laugh. 

I went away a few months after accepting me into her life.  It was more of a future thing.  I did not want to say goodbye as I did not want to feel being far from her... selfish of me... so selfish.  When i was away, we did write to each other.  At first, her letters were in full pages and as time went by, her pages became thinner and thinner and thinner .... the last letter I received was written in a very thin tissue paper.  There was no point in telling her at the time how I look forward to getting mails from her everyday. My body clock was telling me to wake up at 8 in the morning to check the mail box for her letters... until it stopped coming.  I still went downstairs to check the mailbox everyday until my loving grandmother told me to give it a rest and reserve my strength for my midnight shift "If it's meant to be. it's meant to be".


Even if I tell the world that I was doing whatever I was doing for her, who would believe?


My first vacation 


I was in the city... bought groceries.  I was about to cross the street to the jeepney terminal, Just ahead of me, I saw a familiar figure walking towards one of the jeepneys... my heart pounded in excitement so i hurried to catch up but when I got close, It was only then that I realized she was with an unfamiliar guy, guiding her as she stepped into the jeepney.  When they sat down, the guy rested his left arm across her back.  I melted, the bags in my hands suddenly felt heavy.  Maybe that was how mixed emotions felt... it felt like a lousy mix of self hatred and embarassment.



My second vacation



I wanted to surprise her on her graduation.   I did not want to give up.  I arranged for her visa to travel with me. All papers in, budget for accommodation and tickets.  I went to her graduation day with a small envelope in my hands.  I felt really happy and proud while looking at her receiving her diploma.  When the event finally finished, I went to the entrance to meet her(could not get in as the hall was packed).  When they were on the door on their way out, I stood in front of the door ready to meet her but just as they approached the hall door, this guy approached her and rested his arm against her shoulders and offered to carry some of her stuff.  She Looked outside, our eyes met, i waved and smiled ... but she looked away.  I just walked away ... didn't know what to do... couldn't think.  I left two days after. 



Maybe it was not meant to be ....


May 20, Friday

"Just let them be.  If and when you hear people say bad things against others or you, just let them be.  They don't know what they are saying because it might have been caused by something they them self could not control.  Whats important is you are at your senses and you are giving a good judgment.  It will be best for everyone" - LOLA KO



Perhaps the most important value my grandmother has taught me.  Although at times I struggle but I always find the point to realize that I have to step back, look at the picture and remember what my grandmother has taught me.  It has helped become a better person and as a professional.  Although I admit that I falter at times but for now what is important is the constant realization of what will be best for me and whoever adversary I deal with.  Humility comes naturally like serendipity.  It works wonders ... it does.  Subconsciously, your personality  is developed, your way of thinking and how others sees or views you.  It also gains you credibility.  I practically grew up under my grandmothers care.  My parents went abroad at the time and finally settled when I was in my 4th year (high school).  My grandmother taught me how to be understanding, sensitive to the needs of others and a lot more ... I LOVE YOU LOLA. 

May 30



Generosity is giving something and asking nothing in return.  I hear this word quite a lot but sometimes I ask myself, how I can be generous when I have other concerns that I need to consider?  


June

I only knew you here for what it seems a while ago.  But why does it feel that I already know you?  At first, I just see you.  You arrived, you left … you arrived … you left until I actually waited… everyday.  The sound you make is like music that tickles the senses; your shadow is like the prettiest sight that is worth waiting for.  Lame excuses become perfect just to experience you… your face, your smile, your eyes. 

Do you know? What do you know?  Is it okay?  Wanting to be there for you is like preparing to dance for a huge crowd… to sing an anthem in a national game. 

At times your belongings are left here and there… may I tidy them for you? May I keep them for you?  How would you react? Will you appreciate? Will you smile?  When I pass words to you, would you understand?  Do you have a clue?  Do you know how hard the ground is from where I am standing? 

Do you know?


June 9, Thursday 

I woke up this morning feeling sorry for a person I know.  All I could give is moral support.  I tried to make the person understand that everyone has their own problems and issues.  Basically, I was asked if I could lend some money to pay for this person’s two months worth of rent as he will be reported to authorities or something.  I explained that their land lady really can’t do anything about it if really he did not have money. The only thing that they can do basically is to kick him out.  I felt really bad as couldn’t help because I myself have obligations and necessities to care of.  I could see the desperation but I am also renting and all that.  All I could do is to at least lend a few pesos for the daily expenses at least for a few days.  Sometimes I just don’t want to care as I’ve had my time too.  I had to deal with it, work with what I had and find my own ways.  So the least I could do is give a few pesos.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who has gone through this situation.  Feeling bad is a natural thing but I guess if there is nothing one can do about any situation, the best thing to do and to say is “let it be” and just hope and pray that things will turn out right and think that things will fall into place somehow.  I guess the most important thing is you have helped even in the littlest way.  Even if the gesture is appreciated or not.  There is nothing you can about it really unless of course if you are able to figure out something, then I that will make the difference.  

In reality, we can’t really be superheroes as we ourselves need heroes too.

June 2011

Life is competing with yourself, literally.  One will try to run really fast to get to the finish line or at least to be ahead of his aspirations, plans and dreams.  But most of the time, no matter how hard you push, it seems that you just are not doing the speed you are trying to attain.  Most of the time, your feet just moves slower and slower.  Either you naturally move slower or you are just not at the right track.  Sometimes when you are almost at the end of the line in reaching your goals, your reality will dictate that the race is not for you.  It’s so sad that after all the efforts, it will all be put to waste and you simply just can’t go back to start the same race all over again.  You become withered, tired and hurting to give up and just become contented wherever your race halts your feet. 

Strategizing to get there faster than “you” becomes a whole new ball game but the goal is still the same.  Maybe life is designed to be according to how it just is.  Whether to push or not to push, if things are meant to happen it will happen.  It’s just like a tree that is expected to grow at a certain span of time…they don’t just pop out of the soils of the earth.  Probably enjoying each moment is what matters.  Frustrations are self-inflicted. This is Because your body will tell you to be.  We tend to project undesirable emotions, reactions to things not in accordance with our expectations.  The best thing do really is acceptance and take the chance of letting the universe work for you.  Just say “let it be and maybe it was meant or not meant to be”.   

June 18, 2011

It’s the day before our fiesta celebration in honor of the Most Holy Trinity.  I woke up early today or I didn’t sleep well.  My heart is aching to see the people I love, my mum and dad, my kaputol (part of whole piece – my brother and I consider ourselves as part of one.  One is not complete without the other), my … the place where I grew, uncles and aunties, my best friend, his wife and their kids. 

The building where I’m staying seemed so quiet and I felt awfully lonely.  It was like all units were unoccupied.  I suddenly missed the early morning cry of the baby next door.  Most of the time it irritated me because the morning cries sounded like a low powered siren… I really don’t mind when I’m fully awake…I like kids, I do, but this kid cries a lot every morning… I just need a good sleep… I am usually deprived of that.  I wouldn’t mind if the nanny or the mommy does something to calm the kid down.  But I literally hear them scolding and spanking the kid in a jokingly manner, I think they find the crying cute.  I decided to have coffee.  Should I go home? What if one of the branches calls in for an emergency situation? I gave myself a few minutes.

10:00 am I pulled out my handy travel bags, removed all its contents and placed them on the floor.  I just stared at them and still did not have a clue whether I am decided to go home or not.  Maybe a good breakfast will do the trick.  I text messaged my father and kaputol (brother) for a second opinion.  My father replied “eh di umuwi ka” (then go home if you want), my kaputol replied “sige uli kay ikaw it magluluto” (ok come home because you will cook).

While I was cooking, I realized that the building was awfully quiet. After cooking I went to see nanay Iya, the building caretaker and asked where everyone were.  I was told that everyone went home to their respective provinces because June 20^th was a holiday!  After saying “holiday”, I just said “bye!” and immediately went upstairs (4^th floor) to my unit as fast as I could.  Pulled out some clothes and everything I might need whilst at the province.  So after packing my bags, I immediately changed. I forgot to take a shower, forgot to brush my teeth. Hahahaha.  What do you expect after three years right?  Grabbed my bags, nevermind the breakfast and hurriedly went down as I needed to be at the airport more than 2 hours before the preferred flight schedule.  As I was rushing to get a tricycle, I passed by a store situated just before the entrance to the compound where I was staying, I heard a familiar voice “bah! Mukhang uuwi ah!” (Alas! Looks like you’re going home!).  “Yes I am going home! Finally after almost three years!”.  It really was ironic as when I finally decided that I’m going and I was really rushing, I had to wait for a tricycle for about 5 minutes which does not usually happen!  They are always there at the roadside waiting for passengers… and there was none! No tricycle!  I had to wait for a gruesome 5 minutes to get a ride.  It felt like I have been waiting ages!  So when I finally got a tricycle ride to the taxi stand, the whole damn area was closed as Pasig Government Unit used the roads in the area as race tracks for a motorcycle race! $#^%$#$^%$^#$#@$ !!!!!!!!! ^*&*(&(*(&*&$#%$#$!!@!!!!!!.  I realized I did not have enough cash on hand to buy for my trip tickets so I decided to withdraw some cash and took another ride to the main road where I can get a taxi.  Thank God one taxi was available (G & E company – the most trusted taxi company in Metro Manila). 

The trip to the airport seemed like forever!  So when I finally got there, 54 persons was in line to enter into the main building (Cebu Pacific) – huhu.  When I finally got in, I bought my tickets and literally said “Pabili ng ticket. Uuwi ako nga Leyte” (I’d like to buy a ticket, I will go home to Leyte).  I was told that the available trip was the late afternoon flight as I was delayed for more than an hour.  Oh well…

When I finally got in, I felt so close to home.  My mind told me I was nervous but my chest wasn’t feel that way. It was like being suspended in the air in a box with no peep whole therefore, you know that you are suspended in the air and you don’t see anything. You just know you’re floating up in the air.  The Cebu Pacific Aiport (Terminal 3) is pretty organized. Huge space, well – polished floors… very comfortable.  Passengers were sitting comfortably waiting for their flight, others were nicely lined to process documents, checking in luggage etc.  There were many processing counters so, the lines were well managed and all the personnel were actually courteous and accommodating!  I salute Cebu Pacific!  Good Job. Please maintain the quality of services – the hardest part actually.  Oh oh … one thing though, please make wifi available anywhere in the building (winks).  While I was waiting for 346 to be called (at the ticketing office), could not help but notice that the counter staff were all smiles even if one foreigner was complaining about his itinerary.  He could not understand what was written there however, the staff was able to explain each detail calmly.  I liked the way she explained it as it was clear, simple.  Pretty actually.  The service was fast because the number on that red lighted signage was calling for a 305, they were already servicing 330 something.  When I was called, it took only about 10 to 15 minutes to process… or even less.

I got my tickets, checked my luggage in and went to the pre – departure area.  It’s one huge space! Like a huge hallway with shops on the side (food, apparels and others).  There were middle isle shops selling food and drinks.  When I was walking through the hallway towards my gate assignment,

I appreciated the way all the shops were set up along the sides from souvenirs to food.  Souvenirs and apparels were really expensive!  Food was averagely affordable.   While I was walking, I felt dryness in my throat, bitterness in my tongue and all that. Maybe I was excited.  I found this shop just in front of my boarding gate… it was packed with smokers! The only smoking section inside the building.  Although it is nice that the management gave consideration to the “unhealthy ones” but in my opinion, although accommodation for smokers is made available, it should not be set up in such a way that it looked like a quarantine… a place for the less desirable, nuisance, eye sore, irritants.  Would have been nice if the section was set up like a lounge where everyone can sit comfortably while waiting for their flight.

 The weather was not good.  It was cloudy, a bit dark, unsure wether rain was going to pour down.  Strange... that was how i felt.  I was excited but unsure how or what to feel.  I was seated nicely in one of those front row seats, middle of the plane by the exits where i was able to stretch my legs. loved the space.  when we left the runway, as soon as the plane reached its first level altitude, we experienced turbulence that kept recurring all throughout the flight.  The attendants were calm so I told myself, they seem to be enjoying the flight, so calm and so friendly (although i know they are trained to be like that) therefore I should not worry.  I was okay at first but I noticed the lady sitting right next tom praying and reading religious book... from time to time her fist clutches as if she was nervous or something. Damn! why did she have to do that!  from then on, everytime there was turbukence, my chest pumped and I could feel the air I'm breathing was just not reachiing my lungs!  so i prayed.... tried to sleep but I just couldn't.  It felt like the longest travel I have ever experienced. It usually takes about 45 minutes to an hour to travel from Manila to Tacloban City.  When we were near Tacloban, while the plane started to take its first dive (at the time that was how it felt for me... sort of like a paranoia or something), the pilot turned off all the lights except for the ones placed behind the luggage compartments that faintly lights up the whole cabin that looks like you are inside a cinema where a night scene is being shown on he screen.  It was really eerie... many things were going through my head (although i knew it was routinary), was there something wrong with the batteries? Was the plane's power exhausted because it got over during the series of turbulence? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO TURN THE LIGHTS OFF????????

I looked outside the window and I saw the street lights... I felt a lot better.  It was like long christmas lights laid down on the floor.  I ran my eyes through the lined lights as if checking for busted bulbs.  It felt good and and I thought... is that the street where i live?

Touch down! a breath of fresh air. couldn't wait to see my family.